Permutation
by April10163
Summary: We just love each other; and whatever happens, happens. We'll make it work." E/O
1. Chapter 1

**Permutation**

Per-mu-ta-tion

n.

1. A complete change; a transformation.

2. The act of altering a given set of objects in a group.

_(deffinition from )_

Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing related to SVU.

A/N: Well, I'm on a bit of a writing kick right now (yay thunderstorms); and this just kind of developed. This is another 'I have some ideas, but not really sure where it's going' story.

X.X.X.

She walked slowly through the cool autumn evening. The leaves crunched under her feet, sending a small animal scurrying into the bushes a few yards away. As she reached her destination, she felt that familiar pain; the pain she knew would never disappear, the pain that would forever be a reminder. It was always there just under the surface; always waiting to break free, to kill a little piece of her soul every time she remembered.

The dirt covering his grave was still unsettled, having only been dug the previous week. She sank slowly to her knees; the soft earth holding firm beneath her weight. As she sat there reading his name on the stone marker, her eyes filled with hot tears. And for the first time since that tragic day a week ago, she let them fall freely. Olivia felt the sobs tearing through her body before they had a chance to exit her mouth and make themselves heard. Her body was shaking, and her heart felt like it was trying to rip itself out of her chest. A part of her wished it would.

Olivia lifted her face to the sky when she felt the first raindrop land haphazardly on the top of her head. It was not long before the rain fell steadily, soaking her clothes. She smiled sadly, realizing this must be his doing; he loved the rain. He believed it washed away the bad, and allowed for a new beginning. But today, she did not find it comforting; today, it was a sad reminder.

The rain made her feel his presence more so than usual; enough that she felt she should talk to him. Before today she never understood why people would talk to a gravestone, it seemed redundant; but now, now she knew he was here listening to her, watching over her. So she began speaking to him, feeling awkward at first.

_Damn, El. I miss you so much. _She furiously swiped at the tears that were now falling even more quickly. _But I think I hate you almost as much as I love you. I hate you for not waiting for backup; I hate you for hesitating to shoot the bastard. And for leaving me_. She paused, unable to continue for the moment. _You told me once that the job and I were all you had. But, El, you were all I had. And now you're not here..., and I don't think I can make it without you Elliot. I need you. _The admission of need made her feel vulnerable. Olivia Benson was not supposed to be dependant on anyone. But Elliot was a special case. For the last nine years, Elliot was her rock, her cornerstone. And now that her support was gone she was crumbling. Since his death, she had become merely a shell of the woman she once was.

_This is still so new to me El. Just last night_, she paused, her voice catching in her throat,_ I picked up the phone to call you. It wasn't until hearing your voice recorded on the answering machine that...that it all hit me again. _

One week.

An entire ten thousand and eighty minutes of pure agony. And yet she had managed to survive them. When her heart insisted it was time to combust and end it all her lungs did not seem to comprehend the message. Even while she cried and screamed the breathing continued, and that seemed to hurt just as bad as losing everything. It ripped away what little certantity she had left; and changed her perspective of the world.

She was now living in an alternate universe where the laws of physics ceased to apply. Down was up and up was down.

She had been certain when he died she would too. She had not remotly considered attempting survival without him; for being the objective thinker that her job demanded of her, she was still naive.

It had hurt when she lost her mother. She had cried, but he had been there to comfort her. She remembered how he held her and told her it would be okay. He assured her that he would always be there. That she would never be alone; and now here she was. Alone.

"Olivia" she recognized the voice as Cragen; and quickly scrubbed her tear stained face before turning to face her captain. "I thought I'd find you here."

"uh...Cap. Sorry, I must have left my... phone in the car." She quickly got up off the ground, attempting to pull herself together as much as possible.

"Olivia. It's okay. I didn't call your cell; but I do need you to come back to the precinct with me. I'll explain everything there."

She nodded faintly.

X.X.X.

Walking into the precinct was a major reality check for Olivia. It caused her to realize that the rest of the world continued while hers had come to an abrupt halt.

It was as if nothing had changed. Phones were ringing, and people were rushing around. The only difference was the empty desk across from hers. It caused her chest to constrict. How could he bring her here? The place where they met, where they sat across from each other everyday for years, and more recently, the place where she learned of his death.

"Olivia?" She felt Cragen's comforting hand on her arm, and snapped out of her reverie. She brushed her hand over her eyes and followed Cragen to his office.

He had already sat down in his desk chair before her mind registered the person sitting in the chair in the corner.

"Elliot?" Tears were streaming down her face as his arms enveloped her. "But...but your dead.." she sobbed. She buried her face in his neck, inhaling the unique scent of him.

She pulled back enough to look into his tear filled eyes, "How?"

"God...Liv. I'm so sorry." He affectionately brushed his thumb over her damp cheek before cupping her chin in his hand and pulling her into a gentle kiss. His tongue brushed over her full bottom lip, prompting her to open her mouth to him. Their tongues dueled for control, hers eventually dominating, allowing her to explore his mouth first. "You know I love you right?" he whispered into her hair when they reluctantly pulled back. "Yeah El, I know. I love you too, more than you could ever know."

Cragen cleared his throat effectively drawing the attention of his detectives. "I think it's time we briefed Olivia. Why don't you two have a seat." Elliot sat in the chair closest to the door, pulling Olivia into his lap where she relaxed against his chest. His arms were wrapped tightly around her thin waist. "You know Olivia, you could have your own seat."

"I know Cap. But I..I can't... I just got him back." He nodded in understanding. He saw how Elliot's death affected her. And he knew she needed him right now, whether she would admit it out loud or not. Olivia put up a no-nonsense, tough exterior; but he could read her. She held her soul in her eyes; and he had noticed the despair in them this past week.

"As I'm sure you've realized: Elliot is not dead. He has been in witness protection for the past week. I know what you're about to ask. He's still under witness protection; and as of now so are you."

"Wait...what? Why?" She stuttered.

"Remember the Sanchez case a few weeks ago?"

A seventeen year old girl, Tanya, had stumbled into the precinct badly beaten. Elliot and Olivia happened to be on desk duty that day, while Munch and Fin were out pounding the pavement. It was later discovered that the girl escaped from a group that whored out underage girls to perverted old men. She told them how there were dozens of girls of various ages being held captive. After discovering some information regarding the possible whereabouts regarding the group, Elliot was sent in undercover. He was fairly deep in the undercover, it seemed like they believed his story, but that was blown to pieces when gunshots were heard. He radioed, but ran in without backup.

"Yeah, but how do I fit into that? Elliot was the undercover."

"Tanya played us. I can't even begin to guess what the motive was. All I know is that we got screwed. Olivia I received a very detailed letter about your death. As soon as I found it I rushed to your apartment, and it was destroyed. If you were there...well, let's just say it's a damn good thing you weren't."

"But why do they want to kill me?" she looked shell shocked, as well as a little angry. How dare they disrupt Elliot's and her lives like this! At least they were both alive, but both hated to be put in witness protection and forced to hide. Neither was the cowering type so this was just degrading.

"I'm sorry Olivia, but it's for your own safety," he said as if he had read her mind. "I just don't want either of you hurt."

She nodded her understanding "Alright."

"I've arranged it so the two of you will be able to stay together. But if anyone discoveres you're in WPP, you will be split."

Elliot smiled for the first time in what felt like a millennium. "As long as we're together It's okay with me," he said, kissing the side of her head.

"Olivia?"

"You know if we weren't together I'd fight this."

He nodded. He did know; the two of them would protect each other. And this way, the possibility was there that they might be happy.

"When do we go?" Olivia asked softly.

"Three WPP agents are waiting outside."

"Will we be able to contact you?" Elliot added.

"Technically, no; but I have worked out a deal where you can call me on and from a prepaid cellular phone once a week to check in." Cragen slid a silver phone and a slip of paper containing his number across the desk. He stood and the two detectives followed suit. Olivia pulled him into a hug. "Thanks Cap" she said simply.

"Take care of her," Cragen said as Elliot gave him a quick back-patting hug.

"I will. You told her the same thing, didn't you?"

He chuckled "You bet I did. Now you two have to go. But before you do, I give you my word that this unit will do everything possible to find these bastards."

"We know you will; thank you."

As they walked out of the precinct for the last time as Detectives Elliot Staber and Olivia Benson, Cragen knew that even if they solved this crime, nothing would be the same again.

**A/N 2:** funny, I had every intention of killing off Elliot at the beginning; then the story just kind of took on a life on its own. I appreciate reviews, they really do help me update faster...


	2. Chapter 2

**Permutation Ch. 2**

_A/N: A big Thanks to everyone who reviewed! _

_Elisabeth Carmichael, I'm thinking that they were together before; but kind of kept it hidden. It's one of those everybody knows but dosen't really know things, so no that wasn't the first kiss :)_

_I own nothing related to SVU_

X.X.X.

"Hey, you alright?" Olivia whispered.

"Yeah, let's just get this over with."

Elliot turned to smile at Olivia gently, "how about you? Are you ready to do this?"

"I don't know El..," she said reluctantly. "I've been Detective Olivia Benson for almost as long as I can remember. It's just weird to think that's all going to change."

He pulled her into a gentle hug. "I know Liv; I know."

She sighed, "We should probably go."

"Yeah."

As soon as the detectives stepped out of the precinct, they were approached by a man who introduced himself as Agent Martin.

He escorted them to a black van with dark, tinted windows where two more agents waited.

"Detectives, these are Agents Randall and Loterman," Agent Martin gestured towards a man and woman seated in the rear of the van. "They will brief you about your new identities on our way to the airport."

"Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Harrison. You have led successful lives so far. You have been married for two years, have no children, and both have steady jobs. Jenna, you are new to the field of teaching. Having decided on a career change when your small business closed a few years ago; you went back to college with the intention of becoming a high school English teacher. Is that all right?"

Olivia nodded, utterly perplexed by the components of her new life. "Yeah, it sounds...good."

"Now, Brandon. You work at the local Municipal Bank as a 'daily team associate' which is a fancy name for a secretary without close supervision. You will be handling and compiling information which may be important; while also answering phones or filing. Okay?"

"If I say no, you're not going to change it are you?"

"No."

"Well in that case, it sounds just great," he responded sarcastically. Elliot glanced briefly at Olivia catching her warm gaze; she smiled reassuringly.

"You will be located in the lovely town of White Pine Wisconsin. You will fly in to Minneapolis Minnesota where you will be picked up at the gate by two more agents who will escort you to White Pine. Any questions?"

"Any chance we could construct our own more glamorous life?"

"Sorry Mr. Stabler, but this is as glamorous as it's gonna get."

"Whada' ya think Liv?"

"I think it'll grow on us," she said. "Who knows, when this is over, you might even decide to quit SVU and work in a bank." Olivia smirked, nudging him in the arm when he frowned at her.

X.X.X.

Olivia's first thought when she first saw the new house was that it was gorgeous. It was a two story brick house with a cream colored detailing around the windows and door. There was a large bay window overlooking one side of the front yard, and two windows in the second floor that presumably led to bedrooms.

Her second thought was that it was not home. At this point in her life, Olivia had nearly given up the dream of having a family and living in a quiet suburban neighborhood. Reluctantly, she had come to the conclusion that she was destined to live alone in an apartment in Manhattan for the rest of her life. This house, this new life, it wasn't real, but it had already restored her hope in those lost dreams.

After exchanging goodbyes and last minute information regarding their lives, Elliot and Olivia were left alone to start their new lives.

"I think we need to go shopping," Elliot said as they first walked into the house. It was empty of anything except furniture and appliances. The WPP agents had given them two credit cards to buy whatever they needed for the house and to hold them over until they got their first paychecks.

"Yeah."

"Race you to the car," he said and took off out the door towards the garage. Laughing, Olivia ran through the house to the door that connected to the garage. She was seated in the passenger seat of the car when Elliot ran in. He laughed at the triumphant look on her face and slid into the driver's seat.

"Cheater," he said as he backed the car out of the garage and into the street. Olivia rolled her eyes, and smiled.

They ended up at a super Wal-Mart, which turned out to be the only major store in town.

"This is pathetic!" Olivia exclaimed. "How is this the best shopping in this town?" Elliot just smiled and grabbed her hand, pulling her through the automatic doors, and into the store where they were greeted by what seemed to be hundreds of signs advertising low prices.

"I'll get food; do you want to start with bed sheets or something?" Elliot asked.

"Sure." Olivia walked towards the department filled with household supplies. She picked up half a dozen sets of sheets for the queen size bed in the master bedroom. As well as a few pairs for the spare bedroom. When she had finished getting a few decorations, picture frames, and various cleaning supplies she went to find Elliot.

"Hey El...Um...Brandon," she said as she placed a hand on his shoulder. He turned and she saw the glazed look in his eyes. "What's wrong?" She asked, immediately beginning to worry.

He simply pointed to the cooler in front of him. "Oh my god!" She exclaimed.

"I know. What kind of place is this? I mean seriously! What type of place only has Wal-Mart brand beer?" He shook his head in defeat as he caved and placed a six pack of the Wal-Mart beer into his cart. "Ready to go?" he asked looking up at Olivia.

"No, we never got to go home and pack clothes. Except for the ones I had stashed in my locker, I've got nothing."

"Yeah me neither. Do you want to stay here or try to find somewhere else that sells clothes?"

"I doubt they'll have a Macy's or anything like it, so let's just make do with Wal-Mart for now."

"Hey Liv," he whispered so no one except her would hear him. "I miss home too." She smiled slightly, but it quickly disappeared. Olivia slipped into his arms when he gently rubbed her shoulder. He held her against him with his face resting in her hair. It smelled like strawberry, like it always had. It reminded him how grateful he was to have her with him. For the week when he was in witness protection alone, he thought of nothing but her; what she looked like, smelled like, how her eyes would smile when she did. It didn't matter that they were having a break down in the middle of Wal-Mart. He didn't care as long as he could hold Olivia as they did.

They pulled themselves together quickly and returned to the issue at hand: shopping. They once again decided to split up. As Elliot got to the men's department he grabbed some plain muscle t-shirts, a few pairs of jeans, and other necessary clothing items. This time the roles were reversed and he went to find Olivia.

When he found her she was in the longeret department. Of course, that was just his luck; just watching her check the size on a black lacy bra left him with a raging hard on. "Get it," he growled in her ear. She turned to find herself pressed against his broad chest.

"Or what Mr. Stabler?" she whispered, her mouth closing in on his.

"Or I won't be able to take it off of you." he replied, returning the kiss.

Olivia pulled back, "let's go home."

"All right. But umm..I think I'm going to have to push the cart for a while," he said. She looked down and laughed.

"Oh, sorry. It's not funny," she said still smirking.

X.X.X.

When they got back to the house, Elliot and Olivia began unpacking and arranging in the living room. "Why did I get this many picture frames? It's not like we have any pictures to put in them."

"Hey Liv? Where is that folder Cap gave handed me before we left?"

She went into the kitchen to the table, "found it." She walked back into the living room and handed Elliot the thick folder. He opened it and tears filled her eyes. She picked up the picture on top. It was a candid shot of the squad during the last ceremony they attended together. They were all laughing and Fin was in the middle of what looked like telling a joke. Olivia slid the picture into one of the new frames and hung it on the wall. She did the same with a few more of the pictures in the folder before she discovered a note between two of the pictures.

It simply said: _"Welcome home" _

X.X.X.

_A/N 2: Reviews are appreciated :D_


	3. Chapter 3

**Permutation Ch. 3**

X.X.X.

"Elliot, wake up," Olivia mumbled sleepily. Elliot groaned, rolling onto his left side to face her.

"What time is it?" he lifted himself just enough to see the alarm clock over Olivia's shoulder. "What's wrong?" he asked, knowing she had to have a reason to wake him three hours after he had finally fallen asleep.

Olivia glared at him. "Nothing, except for you thrashing around over there." She winced, accidently turning onto her left leg where he had kicked her.

"Shit Liv, I'm sorry."

"It's all right, but chances are if you do it again I'm gonna' cuff you to the bed."

"Is that a promise, or a threat?" He grinned mischievously. "Oww!" he exclaimed when she smacked him with a pillow.

"Just don't do it again," she said tucking her pillow back under her head.

X.X.X.

The next time Olivia woke, it was to the pleasant smell of coffee. Grabbing her robe, she made her way to the kitchen where she found Elliot at the stove, his back to her. She smiled; hearing him curse after burning one of what she assumed was pancakes.

Olivia had discovered over the past few days that she liked watching him. He was her best friend, and partner for the past nine years; she had watched him get coffee or walk across the room. But now she suddenly found herself able to remember every scar on his rough hands, every fleck of dark blue in his aqua eyes. She remembered the early years of their partnership; his eyes were different then, brighter. In the last nine years Elliot had become jaded and his expressive eyes now only reflected defeat. Olivia imagined hers must have done the same. Seeing the worst the world has to offer everyday eventually takes a toll.

Olivia could not help but be thankful though. They may both be damaged, but they were damaged together. They understood each other, protected each other, and Olivia had never needed someone as desperately as she now needed him, as they needed each other.

Elliot turned, feeling her eyes on him, "morning." Olivia smiled wrapping her arms around his waist. She could hear the steady thump of his heart in his chest. Olivia felt her arms tighten automatically. "What?" he whispered into her hair. She shook her head; choosing to ignore the reason tears suddenly stung her eyes. "Liv?"

"I was umm...just remembering how a few days ago, I thought I would never hear your heartbeat again."

"Liv," he said pulling her in closer to him. "It's okay. I'm all right."

"I know Elliot; but some part of me refuses to grasp that. It hurt so badly."

He nodded. "I'm sorry Liv. If I could have told you, I would have."

"I know you would have. I just... I need you to know," she took a shuddering breath. She had never been good at this; expressing herself. "It almost killed me Elliot, loosing you. And now; I didn't think it was possible, but I've fallen even more in love with you. I guess I just...I don't know," she said shaking her head "I think I just need you to know that."

"I don't know what to say Liv. Except that I love you too; and that it never ceases to amaze me how strong you are. Don't even," he said stopping her mid-protest. "You are the strongest person I know, and I respect the hell out of you for it." His arms tightened around her, it still got to him that she let him hold her like this. She was the no-nonsense, tough as nails cop who had such a difficult time trusting, and yet here she was confiding in him, holding him, loving _him_. He was the luckiest bastard on earth that she had even forgiven him after all the shit he pulled over the past few years. "So where do we go from here?" he asked earnestly. Their relationship had inevitably changed since that day in Cragen's office, and he just wasn't sure.

She shrugged, "I don't know El, we just love each other; and whatever happens, happens. We'll make it work."

X.X.X.

The rest of the day passed slowly. It was the coldest it had been since they got here two days ago; winter was undeniably near. Olivia shivered, and pulled her coat tighter around herself as she sat on the step of the porch and admired the neighborhood. It was small, peaceful, but she couldn't really picture herself choosing to live here. She was a New Yorker through and through, a total city girl. In the city the noises, sights, and smells enveloped her and allowed her to immerse herself in them when need be. She missed it; the quiet of White Pine made her a little crazy. And the clear air was still a little strange to breathe.

Olivia sighed and looked up, only then noticing the young girl tentatively approaching her.

"Umm, hi, I just thought I would introduce myself. I'm Caylie, I live next door." She was on the short side maybe 5' 1" Her hair was dyed a deep purple that emphasized her dark brown eyes. Her pants were black with chains, and she wore a shirt advertising what Olivia assumed was a band.

"Hi Caylie, I'm Jenna. It's nice to meet you," Olivia said smiling, and reaching to shake the girls outstretched hand. "How old are you?"

"I just turned fifteen." She sat down on the step next to Olivia, and turned to look at her. "You have an accent," she stated. "Where are you from?"

"We just moved here from New York." She decided on the truth; after all if she had an accent, someone would recognize it eventually.

"New York City? I'm going to move there as soon as I graduate."

"Good for you," Olivia said sincerely, "but it's a lot different than it is here. Are you planning on going to school there?"

"Yeah, I'm hoping to go to Juilliard."

"Wow that's great! Good luck. Are you a musician?"

Caylie grinned. "I play flute. Do you play anything?"

"I wish," she said. Olivia remembered when she brought the permission sheet home; her mother had laughed in her face before tearing it up. She was drunk, and that was the first time a young Olivia had discovered the pain her mother's hand was capable of inflicting. The next day Olivia was forced to lie to her friends and say she fell down the stairs when they asked about the bruises. After that she distanced herself from the other children. Only in high school did she finally open up to two girls who she was still very close with. "I'd love to hear you play sometime," Olivia said bringing her thoughts back to the teenager sitting in front of her.

"Well, I'm playing in a recital next week. You could go if you want, but you don't have to." Olivia saw something in her eyes; it was familiar, but she couldn't identify it.

"I'll be there."

Caylie nodded, and stood saying that she should get home. She crossed over the lawn to the house on the right, and paused to wave before closing the door behind her. Olivia shivered again and decided it would be best to get inside and warm up.

She found Elliot on the couch watching a football game. "Who's winning?" She asked. She grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch, and wrapped it around herself before taking the seat next to him.

"Giants," he mumbled, before turning to look at her. "You're freezing; come here," he said motioning to the space next to him. She moved so he shared the blanket with her. She leaned over to kiss him gently. Elliot deepened the kiss and she responded with equal enthusiasm. He turned himself so he was now lying on top of Olivia, cradled between her thighs. He slid his hand under her shirt to caress the smooth skin of her stomach before sliding it up to cup her breast. She arched into his hand, eager for more contact. He groaned, loving how responsive she was to him.

"Think we should move this to the bedroom?" Olivia nodded and allowed him to pull her off the couch.

X.X.X.

Olivia and Elliot lay tangled together under the covers of their bed. Their breathing was deep and equally matched by the other. Elliot smiled feeling Olivia drift off into sleep.

"I love you Olivia," Elliot whispered, and allowed himself to succumb to the same fate.


End file.
